We've established already that this blog is far from formal. The sentences are choppy, the grammar is sketchy, the content is dull and repetitive. The only person that reads these posts are my best friend abroad, Mary. (Hi Marebear!) Because this blog is so informal, I can spew a long rant and no one can judge me for it. Ready? Here we go.
I've decided after a year and a quarter, I am terminating any hopes to mend the bond between my cousin Katherine and I. 
(We're the weirdos in the middle of the back row, this picture was taken four years ago.)
Katherine is a Type A personality. She's determined. Set in her ways. She's never wrong. And she is the biggest bitch I know. I used to love all of these things about her. They made me feel safe, defended. She was the driving force that kept my limp body upright. My backbone in a lot of ways. I love all sides of her personality. This was before I had any experience with them. To give her credit, the problems started after I chose Curtis over her. Curtis became the Earth I revolved around and she was a star I saw in passing. And so, after a year of me bending over backwards to make her happy and her conveniently stepping in and aggressively out of my life to hurt me, I've decided. I'm done. I've driven myself half crazy trying to fix anything I could, and all that accomplished was nothing. No more questioning wht the fuck I did wrong, what the fuck is wrong with me. No more appeasing her and telling Curtis to stay away from family gatherings because "it makes her upset". I don't care anymore. No more. No more "Peanut and Choppy". No more "Dee and KK". It's over. She can talk to or visit my friends and siblings as much as she likes, it's a free country. But she is nothing but a distant family member to me. I'm not investing time in a rotting corpse of a relationship.
Katherine is a Type A personality. She's determined. Set in her ways. She's never wrong. And she is the biggest bitch I know. I used to love all of these things about her. They made me feel safe, defended. She was the driving force that kept my limp body upright. My backbone in a lot of ways. I love all sides of her personality. This was before I had any experience with them. To give her credit, the problems started after I chose Curtis over her. Curtis became the Earth I revolved around and she was a star I saw in passing. And so, after a year of me bending over backwards to make her happy and her conveniently stepping in and aggressively out of my life to hurt me, I've decided. I'm done. I've driven myself half crazy trying to fix anything I could, and all that accomplished was nothing. No more questioning wht the fuck I did wrong, what the fuck is wrong with me. No more appeasing her and telling Curtis to stay away from family gatherings because "it makes her upset". I don't care anymore. No more. No more "Peanut and Choppy". No more "Dee and KK". It's over. She can talk to or visit my friends and siblings as much as she likes, it's a free country. But she is nothing but a distant family member to me. I'm not investing time in a rotting corpse of a relationship.
I'm tired. I'm very, very tired. Between my two jobs I've been putting in more than fifty hours a week. With a day off in between. I think I wouldn't mind it as much if I felt like I was actually accomplishing something. But I'm a janitor. I clean up messes all day and I come back not twelve minutes later, and it looks like I didn't do anything at all. That is so incredibly frustrating to me. Everyone says "Then just quit, quit complaining. You're still doing it so it can't be that bad. " And they're right. It isn't that bad. I am complaining. But I can't afford to quit. Not with rent, insurances, utilities, and a medical bill I'm still trying to pay off, not including my cost of living.
I miss Mary. I'm so stressed out about the stuff going on, and she's the only person I want to talk to about it all. We were supposed to FaceTime today but I got out of work almost twenty minutes late, and then went to Walmart with my grandma.
Being six hours behind her, knowing she's got a busy day Thursday, I didn't want to bother her when she was getting ready for bed. She's stressing out too, I know. Missing her family, dogs, and boyfriend like crazy. I'm up there too. I wear our BFF necklaces so much, the paint has worn off. 
I'm debating on whether to send her one of her birthday presents or not. I feel like she needs a big box of "home" sent to her. Does that make sense?
Thats my rant for the evening. Thanks for tuning in. I'll see you in the next one.
Sincerely,
Dee
Dee! I miss you so so much!! I'm also very proud of you for standing up for yourself and your relationship. If he makes you happy, that should be good enough for everyone else. I love you, and I'll talk to you soon!
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