Just Plain Lost

Hello Reader(s),

Short post today.

In the last two weeks, I have managed to lose my drivers license as well as my debit card.

I was supposed to get my license while Curtis is at work so we could go to my bank and apply for a new card...but there's a small hiccup.

I have no cash. 

So instead of getting things done, I'm sitting here drinking coffee and feeling kinda bummed that I'm this irresponsible. 

This whole card loss is also making me think about my life. What am I doing?

 I'm a janitor and a lunch lady. Both very respectable jobs, but that isn't what I want to do with the rest of my life. I dropped out of college. I need to get my ass in gear. Find something I love that I can stand to do.

When they asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up, I said Ariel the princess. Clearly, that isn't an option (yet). When they asked every year of my high school career, each year was something different. The first year, marine biology. Second year, CNA. Third year, I didn't say anything. My senior year, they asked multiple times.

 What do you want to be?

What do you want to do?

What are you going to college for?

What college are you going to?

You ARE going to college, right?

Midway through senior year, I told my two favorite teachers in casual conversation that I wanted to be Everything. I didn't want a set career, that went against my personality. I love change. I love adapting. I love learning how to do new things. Sticking to one career for the rest of my life sounded so boring, so closed off and in changing that it made me want to pull my hair out. 

  

And then it was February. I miscarried.

And I was hit by this wave of wanting to be surrounded by what I'd lost.

To redeem myself for not being careful. I applied for colleges to be a prenatal nurse. 

Turns out I couldn't handle it.

After a few days (months) of deliberation, I've turned in my two weeks at my housekeeping job. I'm going to a career couselor to find out information on nursing classes. I'm going to be a certified nurse.

Time to stop working at a dead end job. Time to start working towards a future.